Ok, So The VMAs Sucked...

OMG...can we talk about the VMAs? And how they totally sucked?!? Between the lipsyncing and the bad 80s spandex...ick. Total trainwreck! I made R (Uh, huh-R. More on him later) watch it and well...that's 3 hours of our lives that we are never getting back. Here are the low (as in NOT high)lights:

Christina Aguilera performed for the 1st time since having her baby. In an S and M getup. And 18 pounds of make up.  So bad. And she lipsynced. Really?!?

Hmmm...did that look familiar? That's because Madonna already did it! Remember "Human Nature"? Take a look:

Now, to Rihanna. I think she's soooo pretty. But she sure does try to make herself look unattractive. Why, Rihanna? Why?!? And why does she always wear outfits that accentuate her thick thighs? Girlfriend's body is bangin' everywhere else, but she insists on highlighting her probably only flaw. Rolex watch this:


Yeah, this looks recycled, too. Check out Thriller below:

And T.I. lipsynced. I didn't realize that rapping, which is you know is...glorified speaking...was so difficult. Interesting. And another thing. Why are all these guys so small? They're all like 5'5". John Legend, T.I., Lupe Fiasco, Kanye West, Lil'Wayne...oh and let's talk about him for a moment. Now y'all know how much I love, love, love his music. Even though he looks like a very ugly little tatted up troll. Love his music. But, was it necessary to perform at the VMAs wearing no shirt with his pants sagging BELOW his a** showcasing his Calvin Klein boxer briefs?!?  And...no set, no props, no nothing.  Except his ugly self.  Oh, and T-Pain looking like the child of a circus ringmaster and a clown.  Also...not attractive.  R said Lil' Wayne looks like a continuation of Lil' Jon and you know what?  I think he may be on to something.  And...it should have been called the f***ing Lil' Wayne Music Awards because he was in a bunch of performances.  Including Kid Rock's.  Yes, I said Kid Rock.  Very random, huh?  Oops...sorry...went off on a tangent for a moment.  Ok, back on track.  Check out T.I. and Rihanna's performance:

Um...Rihanna?  Not the strongest singer.  I'm just saying....Apparently, Chris Brown (speaking of not cute...he looked like the got smacked with the fug stick last night) was watching Rihanna (his girlfriend) and T.I. rehearse and Chris was being "disruptive".  Finally, T.I. said "Can someone get this little n***a out of here?" and CB said something slick under his breath.  T.I. replied "I am not playing with that little n***a...I will beat his a**".  Needless to say, they got CB out of there.  And they start filmimg a movie together today.  Should be good times on that set, huh?

The big winner of the night? Brit.  I am no longer calling her "Shitney" out of respect for the fact that she seems to be getting her act together.  Check her out above.  Looking good, Girlfriend!  She won her 1st ever Moonman last night...that's surprising, isn't it?

File under the Who Cares category:  Minnie Driver finally popped.  Henry Story Driver — who weighed 9 lbs., 12 oz. — was born Friday in Los Angeles.  Yawn!

Meet Halle Berry's daughter Nahla Ariela Aubry!  Cutie Patootie!

Tom Brady blew out his knee over the weekend.  In the season opener.  The 2007 NFL Most Valuable Player will miss the entire '08 season with a left knee injury that needs surgery, the team said Monday. Not good news for the Patriots.  You can file that in the "Understatement of The Year" Category.

SNL premiers on the 13th.  Hosting?  Michael Phelps (and his ears).  Musical guest is Lil' Wayne.  Let's hope that he wears a shirt!

Posh debuted a new pixie cut 'do.  Good thing she has those flotation devices on her chest or she may be mistaken for a 12 year old boy.  Not a fan of ultra short hair.  Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com

So...I've been on a Facebook kick recently.  For the record, I like myspace so much better, but that's neither here nor there.  A lot more high school friends are on Facebook.  Anyhoo...you know how you decide to look up everyone you ever knew once a few old friends find you?  Shut up, you know you've done it, too!  I decided to look up my "stepsister".  I found her and I sent her a quick email like "Is so and so your Mom?  I'm Ed's daughter Niki" and I got back a very HOSTILE reply.  "I know exactly who you are.  And why did you seek me out on here?"  Wow.  Who knew she was so angry?!?  What a b***h!  Well, Sis, I was just curious.  And BTW, WTF is your problem?  You have a good relationship with YOUR Dad AND MY Dad.  2 You, Me 0.  So what are you pissed about?  She's not even friends with her REAL brother on Facebook or Myspace....does that say alot or what?  Her brother has over 400 friends (me included) and she's not one of them.  C U Next Tuesday!  Lissy is soooo pissed.  And that's why she is the bestest bestie ever. 

Lissy: "She's not that cute.  And she's a B***H!"
Me: "Yeah, well...if you're ugly on the outside, you're ugly on the inside."
Lissy: "And that's why you are so beautiful."

That sound you heard was Jacob and R throwing up in unison.  Picture R shaking his head saying "Poor Jacob...you two are so obnoxious."  Such a hater.

Then I was all "Oh, she knows all about me? Let me return the favor." So I googled her. Now I know all about her, too. Here's her default puc on myspace:

Nice tattoo, Angry Girl.  I'm into tattoos and I think that s**t is ridiculous.  When I googled her, I came across a close up pic of her face and let's just say that I understand why her face is not REALLY visible in this pic.  And, BTW Evil Stepsister...you must NOT know all about me or you wouldn't come at me like that.  She must have me f***ed up. 
R was like "What do you mean you've never met her?!?"
Me: "Let me break this down for you.  This is a BAD situation.  I've never been to my Dad's house."
R: "Oh, s**t.  I didn't realize...But you've handled it well."
Me: "Lots of therapy, Baby.  Lots of therapy." (Plus an awesome Mommy, Lissy and Jacob)
R: "Are you hurt by this?"
Me: "Hurt? No.  I don't even know her.  I'm f***ing pissed.  How does she have the nerve to catch attitude with me?  You know she's just as curious as me..."
I'm going to email her back today.  Just as soon as I can do it with out dropping the F bomb in every sentence.  Ok, maybe I'll wait until tomorrow....

Ok.  Onto to bigger and better things.  I have met a really nice guy.  Go know.
R: "What's wrong with you?"
Me: "Um...I'm not used to nice guys.  Are you sure you're not an undercover a**hole posing as a nice guy?"
What can I say?  I'm damaged.
Anyway...we have a great vibe.  As in we can't stop talking to each other.  I think our friends may stage an intervention soon.  We are acting like high school kids.  And, of course...I got a text from A over the weekend and an email from Mr. Piece of Artwork.  X should be popping up on the scene momentarily.  WTF?!?  So typical, huh?

My friend Christie just bought her first house...so happy for her!
Alrighty, I have to go to work now.