The Daily Mis-Adventures of Niki: Happy Birthday, Jacob!!!!

Today is Jacob's birthday!

Be sure to wish him a happy, happy...you know how we Libras love attention!

Wow! I haven't blogged in a long time. Sorry about that! Lots has been going on...I'll try to sum it all up for you. First, let's talk about Ryan...formerly known as R. I think that I may have actually found a real live nice guy. Shocking, yes?

We've been seeing each other for a little over a month now and it's actually going really well. The only problem is that he lives in Hollywood (Florida, not California...that would REALLY suck!), so we're about 1 1/2 hours apart. It's not the end of the world, but we really only get to see each other on the weekend. And we talk ALL THE TIME on the phone. So...Miss Independant is slowly but surely becoming Miss Co-Dependant. Who would've thought?!?

Meet Ryan...and his dog Tyson...who I am SOOO totally in love with! Aren't they cute?
Ok, on to my lips

...and my new tattoo (not on my lips, mind you).

I decided to get a new tattoo about 2 weeks ago. I had to get my nose re-pierced because I took out the nosering that I had been wearing for like a year...I know, I know...so gross! Anyway, we (me and Melissa) couldn't get it or a new one back in. So...we went to a tattoo parlor for them to put the nosering in, and hey...I'm all about multi-tasking, so why not get another tattoo as well? Sorry, Mommy...she hates all of my ink. So, I got a pink bow on the back of my neck and 3 little stars behind my left ear. (Ryan: "Because you really NEEDED a ribbon and some stars on your body, right? How random is that?!?" Me: "Shut up!") Well, I got a little more than I bargained for, but more on that later. I was supposed to get a permanant implant in my lip on Thursday that just passed. I always get the lip injections, but my body metabolizes them very quickly, and this would be much cheaper in the long run. I was all set. Ryan took me to the surgeon's office, the nurse came out and got me, said "Ok, hugs and kisses goodbye now." I asked her how long I would be, and she said about 2 hours until I would be out of recovery. It was 2 p.m., and like a good boyfriend should, Ryan hadn't eaten anything because I couldn't. (I know...he's awesome!) So, I was all "Go get something to eat." and he was all over it. So, off he went. The nurse takes me into a room and starts having me sign release forms, etc. Then I get to the form that asks about meds that you may have taken within the last 2 weeks. I look up at her and say "Um...I took Excedrin yesterday." She looked at me like "DUMMY!" and said the Doctor would be in to talk to me soon. Oh, great....The Doctor: "We can't do the surgery today because the risk of you bleeding out are too great."Me: "Ummmm...ok"The Doctor: "I hope there are no hard feelings"Me: "No, not at all. I appreciate you not letting me bleed to death"The Doctor (without missing a beat): "Yeah, it's not really my thing on Thursdays"Who knew?!? So, I frantically text Ryan "Come back" and of course, he just ordered pizza so I had to wait. And wait. Outside. In the f***ing hot sun. Then he was stuck at the bridge...yada, yada, yada. All I know is that I had the WORST headache ever. Total waste of a day. Oh, well. I'm rescheduled for the 24th...stay tuned. So, I don't have the surgery, and Ryan comes back to Naples with me. On Saturday morning, he looks at my new tattoo on my neck and says "Baby, I think this is infected. It does not look good. Where do you keep the alcohol and peroxide?" Me: "Um...I don't" Him: "Remind me not to cut myself here. Who has 15 different types of every beauty product and no alcohol or peroxide?!?" Me: "Um...me?"He went to the drugstore and got some stuff and he cleaned my nar-sty tattoo all weekend. He must really like me, huh? The good news is that between Melissa and Ryan (and the gross antibiotics my Doctor gave me), the infection is almost gone.

My birthday is rapidly approaching...it's on the 19th, for those of you that don't know...hint, hint! I don't have any plans yet. Lissy asked me what I want to do for my birthday. I said "I don't know...just something low key." She replied "Low key?!? Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?!?" Ok, yeah...that is weird for me, huh?

So...my Dad is a total douchebag, Seriously. He sent me an email that said "Niki-We need to bury the hatchet. Please email me your contact information. Love, Dad" My first reaction was "Bury the hatchet? Sure. Where would you like it? In your head or your little stepdaughter's?" (Note to self...Always trust your gut) I decided to be an adult and called him. Big mistake. HUGE! He was such a dick. To the point where I was like "Um...why did you contact me? To be mean to me?" We were on the phone for a while during which he blamed me for my "hateful letters" to my Ugly Stepsister.Me: "That little b***h attacked me. WTF?!?" Daddy Dearest: "Well, I didn't read them. I don't want any part of that."Me: "I suggest you read them before you start talking OUT OF YOUR A**."Daddy Dearest: "You are a child of mine, Not the other way around. You WILL respect me,"Me: "No...actually I won't."And then he was all "What did you call me in your blog?" Me (in my head): "Oh, s**t. YOU read my blog?!? WTF?" (out loud): "Which one? I call you lots of things in my blog."Daddy Dearest: "Don't you think that your friends dislike me because you influence them with your blog?"Me: "My friends had opinions on you WAY before I ever wrote a blog."Actually, you stupid motherf***er, I think my friends HATE you because of the way that you have treated me like something you dragged in on the bottom of your shoe. If you were pissed about what I had to say before, you're going to be bannana sandwiches over this post. I hate my father. HATE, HATE, HATE. And why must he always f**k with me right araound my birthday?!? If you are reading this, Drop Dead Ed (and I hope you are), please just leave me the f**k alone. For good. I am doing just fine without you. I'm just glad that you decided to become devoid of morals and values AFTER my personality was formed. It is amazingly ironic to me that the person that taught me how to be ethical ("You have to do the RIGHT thing, not the EASY thing") is now the most unprincipled person that I know. What a big disapppointment you turned out to be. (Insert me shaking my head here) Oh, well...everyone has their crosses to bear, right? Besides, my Mom totally rocks!

So, put that in your juice box and suck it...HARD, Daddy Dearest.

So, did you watch the debate? Another reason to loathe my father: he's a die hard Republican. B***h, you are not RICH enough to be a Republican. Your deadbeat self should be a Democrat. From aolnews.com: It took just eight minutes into Tuesday's presidential debate for Republican candidate McCain to land the first blow, blaming Obama and Democrats for the collapse of mortgage giants Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. "They're the ones that, with the encouragement of Senator Obama and his cronies and his friends in Washington, that went out and made all these risky loans, gave them to people that could never afford to pay back," McCain said. (Um...Cronies??? Is he f***ing kidding? Pot, meet Kettle. I mean c'mon. The GOP is made up of nothing but "cronies" and good ol' boys. Give me a break.)
Obama responded: "I've got to correct a little bit of Senator McCain's history, not surprisingly. ... In fact, Senator McCain's campaign chairman's firm was a lobbyist on behalf of Fannie Mae, not me." McCain campaign manager Rick Davis has a stake in a Washington lobbying firm that received thousands of dollars a month from Freddie Mac until recently. In one pointed confrontation on foreign policy, Obama bluntly challenged McCain's steadiness. "This is a guy who sang 'bomb, bomb, bomb Iran,' who called for the annihilation of North Korea — that I don't think is an example of speaking softly." (Ohhhhh, burn!) During a discussion of an energy bill McCain offered up a two-word phrase that immediately got a reaction. "You know who voted for it? You might never know. That one," McCain said, pointing at his opponent. ("That one"?!? As in..."those people"?!?)

And, um...is it just me or is watching Sarah Palin talk kind of like watching a SNL skit? She plays to the camera WAAAAAAY too much. And...John McCain looks like he has one foot in the grave. Do we really want Capitol Hill Barbie running our country?!? Yikes!

From perezhilton.com: To celebrate Lil' Wayne's 26th birthday, rapper Birdman threw him a huge party on Monday in Miami hotspot Mansion nightclub. And what do you give the rapper who has everything?!? A Louis Vuitton briefcase filled with a MILLION dollars in CASH as a gift! Sweet! I'd like a gift like that please!