"If you're having DOG problems, I feel bad for you, son..."
It started out as a normal enough night...dinner & a movie with the girls. In anyone else's world, this would be an uneventful evening. But welcome to my world! We (me, Lissy, Christie, Patty & our new friend Mary) went to Brio for dinner. It was so-so. Patty hated her dish. The waiter was like "Did you like it?" And she's all "It was alright." And I'm like "Let me translate that for you. She hated it." And...TaDa...Patty didn't have to pay for her dinner. If you don't have an outspoken bitch in your group, get one :) Here's an important tip, though. Save the snarkiness for AFTER you have your food. Unless you enjoy a little spit with your food. So, other than the dinner conversation severely traumatizing Lissy & Patty (Topics: cheating, divorce, men suck...), dinner was pretty uneventful. So, then we go to the movies. To see SEX AND THE CITY.
All I'm going to say is....we loved it! Run, don't walk, to go see it! After the movie, I look at Lissy and say..."You are so Charlotte!" There's a scene between Miranda & Carrie (when you see it, you'll know it) that Christie was like "That would totally be you two (me & Lissy). No one else, but totally you guys." OMG...I know, right?!? There were groups of girls dressed like they were going to a club. Okay, first of all, you were 10 when SATC came out and second, WTF would you want to sit through a movie in a theater wearing a strapless hooker dress?!? Weren't they cold?!? I had all the tickets, and forgot to disperse them to the girls. Oops! Christie & Lissy almost got into an altercation with the power-tripping, pizza faced usher dude trying to get back into the theater, which was packed. So, we left the movie and started our not very long journey home. Mary drove her own car, but the rest of us were together. In my car. On our way to the movies, Lissy & Patty sat in the back. So, Christie thought she'd be polite & got in the back for this trip. So, we're driving down Davis, and the car next to us comes thisclose to plowing into a white dog.
He swerved and then took off. What a douche bag, by the way. Not me. I'm like "OMG...that's some one's dog. What if my dog was in the middle of the road? We have to save it...like the Wonder Pets!" Did I mention that it's about 1:30 a.m.?!? So, I pull over and call the dog over. She hops right into my freshly washed car. Onto Patty. Who is NOT a dog person. So, the dog is wearing a collar. With no tags. Oh, really?!? Who does that?!? She's maybe 40 pounds, a mutt & so sweet. She drapes herself across Patty & me & the gear selector. Christie is like "Life is good for her...chillin' in a Mercedes." And Patty's like "Oh, by the way...thanks for the front seat. As if." So we're like WTF do we do with her?!? Lissy gets the bright idea to go to a fire station. We roll up on the fire station & it looks deserted. They're like "Niki, go ring the doorbell." And I'm like "Hey, maybe it'll at least be a hot fireman." Um, no. So this bitchy f***ing dyke opens the door. She takes one look at me & rolls her eyes. Oh, I forgot to mention that I just got PINK highlights in my hair, so I look oh, about 19. So, she was totally thinking "Spoiled brat, driving around in Daddy's car". If she only knew! (And the girls are in the car going "Only Niki. Couldn't it have been a sexy black man? That girl has the worst luck!") I tell her our story & she's like "We can't take her." Well, that's super. Who can? No suggestions. S**T! So we call the Sheriff's office. They took my cell # & said Animal Control would call me back. We decide to start towards our houses. We get to Patty's and...shocker! No call back from Animal Control. So, I call back. The guy on the phone was a total dick. Could it be because I sound about 12? They probably thought I was a prank caller. So,he's being a douche bag until Lissy yells out "Seriously...get us the f**k out of here!" & the DB starts laughing. So, I'm like "Please! There's a 50 pound dog sitting on my 90 pound friend in my convertible sports car. Help!" So, he's like "I'll send a deputy out to get the dog. Should be about 10 minutes." Hooray! And...30 MINUTES LATER...no deputy. So I call back. Again. And I get attitude. Again. I'm like "We're trying to do the right thing here and everyone is being so mean to me." And the dick wad on the phone says (in a VERY condescending tone) "Ma am. We have more important things going on. A domestic dispute, a fight..." I wanted to say "I don't give a F**K about that" but instead I said "Ok, but we were told that a deputy was coming. We're a group of girls out here waiting at 2 a.m." DW says "He got diverted." Thanks for calling us, Dickhead. Finally, Christie decided to take the dog to her house. The dog howled all f**king night & Christie took her to the pound bright & early the next morning!
The moral of this story is that if you pick up a stray dog at night, you damn well better be willing to take it home with you. How f**ked up is that?!? It really makes you want to be a good Samaritan, huh? Un-be-lieve-able! People suck. Especially mean people.
It started out as a normal enough night...dinner & a movie with the girls. In anyone else's world, this would be an uneventful evening. But welcome to my world! We (me, Lissy, Christie, Patty & our new friend Mary) went to Brio for dinner. It was so-so. Patty hated her dish. The waiter was like "Did you like it?" And she's all "It was alright." And I'm like "Let me translate that for you. She hated it." And...TaDa...Patty didn't have to pay for her dinner. If you don't have an outspoken bitch in your group, get one :) Here's an important tip, though. Save the snarkiness for AFTER you have your food. Unless you enjoy a little spit with your food. So, other than the dinner conversation severely traumatizing Lissy & Patty (Topics: cheating, divorce, men suck...), dinner was pretty uneventful. So, then we go to the movies. To see SEX AND THE CITY.
All I'm going to say is....we loved it! Run, don't walk, to go see it! After the movie, I look at Lissy and say..."You are so Charlotte!" There's a scene between Miranda & Carrie (when you see it, you'll know it) that Christie was like "That would totally be you two (me & Lissy). No one else, but totally you guys." OMG...I know, right?!? There were groups of girls dressed like they were going to a club. Okay, first of all, you were 10 when SATC came out and second, WTF would you want to sit through a movie in a theater wearing a strapless hooker dress?!? Weren't they cold?!? I had all the tickets, and forgot to disperse them to the girls. Oops! Christie & Lissy almost got into an altercation with the power-tripping, pizza faced usher dude trying to get back into the theater, which was packed. So, we left the movie and started our not very long journey home. Mary drove her own car, but the rest of us were together. In my car. On our way to the movies, Lissy & Patty sat in the back. So, Christie thought she'd be polite & got in the back for this trip. So, we're driving down Davis, and the car next to us comes thisclose to plowing into a white dog.
He swerved and then took off. What a douche bag, by the way. Not me. I'm like "OMG...that's some one's dog. What if my dog was in the middle of the road? We have to save it...like the Wonder Pets!" Did I mention that it's about 1:30 a.m.?!? So, I pull over and call the dog over. She hops right into my freshly washed car. Onto Patty. Who is NOT a dog person. So, the dog is wearing a collar. With no tags. Oh, really?!? Who does that?!? She's maybe 40 pounds, a mutt & so sweet. She drapes herself across Patty & me & the gear selector. Christie is like "Life is good for her...chillin' in a Mercedes." And Patty's like "Oh, by the way...thanks for the front seat. As if." So we're like WTF do we do with her?!? Lissy gets the bright idea to go to a fire station. We roll up on the fire station & it looks deserted. They're like "Niki, go ring the doorbell." And I'm like "Hey, maybe it'll at least be a hot fireman." Um, no. So this bitchy f***ing dyke opens the door. She takes one look at me & rolls her eyes. Oh, I forgot to mention that I just got PINK highlights in my hair, so I look oh, about 19. So, she was totally thinking "Spoiled brat, driving around in Daddy's car". If she only knew! (And the girls are in the car going "Only Niki. Couldn't it have been a sexy black man? That girl has the worst luck!") I tell her our story & she's like "We can't take her." Well, that's super. Who can? No suggestions. S**T! So we call the Sheriff's office. They took my cell # & said Animal Control would call me back. We decide to start towards our houses. We get to Patty's and...shocker! No call back from Animal Control. So, I call back. The guy on the phone was a total dick. Could it be because I sound about 12? They probably thought I was a prank caller. So,he's being a douche bag until Lissy yells out "Seriously...get us the f**k out of here!" & the DB starts laughing. So, I'm like "Please! There's a 50 pound dog sitting on my 90 pound friend in my convertible sports car. Help!" So, he's like "I'll send a deputy out to get the dog. Should be about 10 minutes." Hooray! And...30 MINUTES LATER...no deputy. So I call back. Again. And I get attitude. Again. I'm like "We're trying to do the right thing here and everyone is being so mean to me." And the dick wad on the phone says (in a VERY condescending tone) "Ma am. We have more important things going on. A domestic dispute, a fight..." I wanted to say "I don't give a F**K about that" but instead I said "Ok, but we were told that a deputy was coming. We're a group of girls out here waiting at 2 a.m." DW says "He got diverted." Thanks for calling us, Dickhead. Finally, Christie decided to take the dog to her house. The dog howled all f**king night & Christie took her to the pound bright & early the next morning!
The moral of this story is that if you pick up a stray dog at night, you damn well better be willing to take it home with you. How f**ked up is that?!? It really makes you want to be a good Samaritan, huh? Un-be-lieve-able! People suck. Especially mean people.
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