The Debacle That Is My Life This Week...

Do you ever feel like the forces of nature are just working against you at times? You know what I mean...you're already late, you forget something, you hit every red light...Yeah, well, welcome to my world this week! First of all, I can finally tell you about all the planning that Jacob and I have been doing for Lissy's big birthday celebration. He booked a romantic getaway for them yesterday as a surprise. Try to surprise a control freak who is always around...Not so easy, trust me! "What are we doing for my birthday? You guys are so bad at surprises!" HaHa...we got her! So...the debacle began on Tuesday. I told her on Monday that she would be busy for a good part of the day on Wednesday so could she please do the payroll on Tuesday. "Why? Where am I going? Is Jacob taking me away? During the week?" Really, Lissy?!? Just shut up and do payroll. OMG! So, as fate would have it...BIG computer problems on Tuesday afternoon. "I can't print the checks, so whatever you guys are planning...JUST FORGET IT!" Ok, whatever....she had to key in all the checks by hand on Wednesday morning. Thank G-d. I was having visions of myself handwriting checks in addition to running the office by myself. Not cool! Actually, our friend Lori who does our on-call was able to come in & help me out...Yay, Lori! Ok...back to the Great Birthday Debacle of 2007...I sent her flowers form the boys and the dogs, but I had to send them on the day before her birthday, so let the lies begin! (Me: "OMG...I ordered them for the wrong day. That's what I get for placing orders late at night.) We had pizza and cake at their house because Lissy thought Jacob was taking her out fir dinner on Wednesday. So, I picked up Noah at school to come with me to pick up the Cinderella cake.
( Jacob: "A princess cake?!? She's 33!"
Me: "Uh-huh. So am I. And your point is...?")
Well, cake and pizza went without incident. My plan was to call Lissy in the morning and tell her I had a toothache and the dentist was fitting me in. Then, I would go to their house & pack her bag for their trip. So much for that :) I got ready to leave and Noah says "I want to come to your house to see the dogs." Um, really? Tonight?!? Oh, yeah! So, he puts on his Crocs, grabs a toy train and off we go. Slight problem. He has to be home in the morning to get ready for school and I need Jacob to drive me to the office so I can drive Lissy's car home. I just looked at her and said "I have a surprise planned for you this morning. Please just go to the office because now I'm going to be late." She didn't put up a fight, so she must have known something was up. So, we quickly rushed around and packed, got the kids in the car and off Jacob, Noah, Joshie and I go. Of course, we forgot something. Medication of all things. So...we went back. Then we hit every single red light. Seriously! Jacob dropped me in front of Party City & Target so I could pick up balloons as her "surprise" (y'know...to throw her off) and coffee for the birthday girl while he took the kids to school. I go into Party City and the girl was borderline retarded and SLOW SLOW SLOW (like molasses). Ok. So I pick out my balloons. If you've ever bought balloons at Party City, they are always out of more than they have...so frustrating!! I picked out very mature things like Hello Kitty, Strawberry Shortcake, Tinkerbell and the Disney Princesses. So I paid and told the dopey girl that I was going next door to Target which conveniently has a Starbucks inside (Gotta love that). I went to Target, got our drinks and even took a quick look around. I went back to the dope and, of course...in 20 minutes, she had inflated three (yes...three) balloons. ONLY THREE out of ten. Um, did I mention that I was in a hurry? Picture me tapping my foot, hand on the hip...my body language was screaming "HURRY UP!" but she was not listening. The problem was that she kept stopping to ring people up and for some reason she felt the need to call a manager every five minutes. You would think he could have helped her take care of me. But no. I had to go up to him and say "I really need my balloons...I'm in a BIT of a hurry". With a resentful sigh, he finished my balloons and off I went. So I got to the office and Jacob whisked her away at lunch time without incident. And...HOORAY...she was very surprised. And happy. So, I pick up the kids at school and Joshie's teacher tells me that Jacob signed up to bring cheese for the class party tomorrow. Huh? Cheese? For two year olds? Ok. Now I have to go to Publix. What fun:) Their babysitter met up with me and I took them all out to dinner. Joshie sat next to me and I had to cut up his chicken. Ick. The things you do for love, right? Noah STUFFED pasta into his mouth and flirted (yeah, that's right) with the little girl at the next table, which involved lots of "Noah...sit on your bottom, please" and "I want my Mom". We're sitting there at the table and a guy at the bar yells "Get the f*ck out of my face" to another guy. Oh, nice. Drop the F-bomb at a family friendly restaurant. What a dumbass. We left soon after that. Melissa gave them a bath and then I took Noah in his "Mr. Incredible" pjs and Crocs to my house to feed the dogs, pack a bag and pick up Cinderella 3. Did I mention that we were in Lissy's car with no way to get into my gated complex because my code is not working(Yes, my "cheap" apartment is in a gated complex) so we had to sit and wait until someone came through that we could follow. So we were at my house for about 1/2 an hour and then we hit Publix for cheese. The plan was for me to sleep at their house and the babysitter to sleep at my house. Or so I thought. Not according to the babysitter. She was under the impression that she was staying with the kids. So I packed a bag for nothing. We watched the "Princess movie" and Noah looks at me & Melissa and says "I'm a little freaked out" He's FOUR! "Why are you freaked out?" "Because my Mommy & Daddy aren't here" Then I left there at about 10 p.m. promising to be back bright and early. Too bad my alarm didn't go off this morning. So I woke up at 7 a.m. and jumped in the shower, got dressed and raced over to their house. I packed them lunches and took them to school. No f***ing wonder why Lissy & Jacob are always so tired! I'm exhausted! Then I came to the office, where thankfully, it is really slow today. I cannot wait to get home and go to bed. Oh...did I mention that Jacob and I have to do a 30 minute presentation on Saturday about starting your own business from scratch. Which I have not memorized. Or practiced. And I am terrified of public speaking. That should go well. And the sky is what color in my world?!? Ok...gotta go back to work now. Oh, btw...totally over the whole wanting to have a baby thing. This whole thing cured me of that REAL QUICK.