A Day In The Life of Me (A.K.A. Poor Christie)

Oh, boy. I've been a bad, bad blogger. Sorry, sorry, sorry. We've been crazy busy, and the days seem to just blend into one another in a blur. So...it's after 6 p.m. and I'm at my office and I have a moment. Only a moment, though, because my little Noah (the love of my life) just invited me over for dinner. Lissy said to him "Mickey can't come for dinner. I'm making chicken and Mickey doesn't eat chicken." (I'm like "Oh, no-here we go with the vegetarianism"-all I need is for Noah to decide that he doesn't eat meat anymore either-Jacob will f***ing kill me! Thankfully he didn't pick up on it). So, without missing a beat, he says "I'll order her some food from the restaurant. Ok-A.) He's such a little man and 2.) He loves me so much-to the moon and the back, in fact. Not to mention that he's about 100 times more thoughtful than any of the douchebags I've dated. He's the sweetest kid ever! Anyhoo...I'm not sure how much blogging I've done regarding my teeth. By my teeth, I mean the endless moneypit that sits front and center on my face. My Mom is so glad that I'm an adult and responsible for my own medical/dental bills. She probably did the Dance of Joy when I turned 18. No wonder she has a f***ing Jaguar now! I think my mouth single handedly put my dentist's daughter through college. Why am I waging this diatribe against my mouth? I thought you'd never ask! So, I've had crowns (I know...so fitting for me, right?!?) on my back 4 teeth for as long as I can remember. Well, in addition to them crapping out on me, 2 big cavities have also broken. In a nutshell...I need the equivalent of a Hermes Birkin bag. In my mouth. By the way, I blame my dead beat Dad. Not just because my motto is "When In Doubt, Blame Drop Dead Ed", but because sh***y teeth are inherited. Thanks, Daddy Dearest! F***er!! Anyhoo...I went to a dentist here that was on my insurance plan. I've paid them $3-4000 already. They made a bridge for me (I told you my teeth suck!) and when it didn't fit, they decided I needed surgery to remove gum and bone because it didn't fit. I was like "Hell to the no" and marched my happy ass right over to Boca on Saturday to see my old dentist. He said "You don't tell someone that they need gum surgery-not so pleasant by the way-because the bridge doesn't fit. You remake the crown." So over this bulls**t! My friend Christie was nice enough to wake up at an ung*dly hour and ride with me. And...so glad that she did, especially when we were sitting in a parking lot formerly known as I-75 for about 45 minutes. People were actually getting out of their cars. I was all "OMG. I feel like I'm in a movie!" So, of course I get out and start taking pictures. I was like "We are at mile marker 45" and then some guy said we were actually at mile marker 49 and the delay was happening at mile marker 50. And I'm all "Oh, good-we're closer than we thought!" And Christie's like "Because it matters?!? We aren't moving! As in, not even crawling. Dead stop." Ok, so I paraphrased. Christie doesn't actually talk like me-you know like she just stepped out of the movie "Clueless". Whatever, it's cute! See...everyday with me is an adventure. A mis-adventure, that is! Our day was pretty hilarious. It started off with Christie calling me at like 5:45 in a panic.
Christie: "I can't take a shower!"
Me: "OMG! Why not, Dirty Girl?"
Christie: "Because my power is out."
Me: "Um, Christie...even I know that the water works when the power's out. And there's even a reserve of hot water in the water heater. Uh, duh!"
I never, ever would have thought that I'd be more knowledgeable about household appliances than Christie! I felt like Little Miss Super Duper Smarty Pants!
But then I got lost like 3 times going to Boca-where I lived for about 20 years. I kept fighting with my navigational system (known as "The Bitch"-as in "Ok, ok...shut up, Bitch! I'm trying to turn!"). On a side note, how come you can't program those suckers with different voices? Because personally, I'd rather have a sexy black man's voice on there. Like "Hey, Baby, you are looking mighty fine today. Why don't you just take a left at the corner?" And why aren't they personalized? How cool would it be if it said "Good morning, Niki" when I started the car? I know-that'd be f***ing sweet! So, I was back to being an airhead soon enough.
I saw the boys on Sunday night. They always break out some world premier cuteness for their Aunt Mickey. So, on Sunday night, I taught Noah to flex his muscles and say "Welcome to the gun show!" Yeah, it was pretty f***ing funny! And then there's Joshie. OMG! Joshie's voice is too much. His new thing is to whisper to Jacob "Daddy. Guess what. I have a new friend. Her name is Sara." It is borderline creepy, reminiscent of an obscene phone call, but adorable none-the-less! I bought them these tees to wear on their birthdays. They say "Lock up your daughters", which is so appropriate for those little heartbreakers! Then, when I read them a story, Noah sat facing me and did this:
"Mickey, I'm gonna give you an eye kiss" (kisses me on my closed eyelid)
"Mickey, I'm gonna give you a nose kiss" (kisses me on the tip of my nose)
"And, now...I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A MOUTH KISS!" and puts his hands on the sides of my face and pulls me towards him for a kiss!
Ok, seriously. Is that not the most a-dore-a-ble thing ever?!?
Oh, I'm not sure if I've put this in my blog yet, but our assistant Paula is preggers! She's about 3 months now, so I can spill the happy news! Congrats, Little Mami! I can't wait to meet her daughter. I'm trying to will it to be a girl! Oh, and I was on myspace last night...and, speaking of cute little girls in my life, um, Vanessa Sweet P, what up with the kissy face pics of you and a cute little Abercrombie looking boy?!? Very nice :)
Have you guys read about the drugs that are being found in tap water? "A vast array of pharmaceuticals — including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones — have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans, an Associated Press investigation shows. To be sure, the concentrations of these pharmaceuticals are tiny, measured in quantities of parts per billion or trillion, far below the levels of a medical dose. Also, utilities insist their water is safe." Ok. That's disturbing. But...way more distressing to me is how the drugs get into the water. Follow along.
"People take pills. Their bodies absorb some of the medication, but the rest of it passes through and is flushed down the toilet. The wastewater is treated before it is discharged into reservoirs, rivers or lakes. Then, some of the water is cleansed again at drinking water treatment plants and piped to consumers. But most treatments do not remove all drug residue." So, basically, they are taking water from toilets (let me break this down for you. Water with pee and poop in it. Ew!!) "cleansing" it and letting us shower in it, brush our teeth in it, and most disgusting of all, drink it! If you ask me, that's the REAL story. Gross, gross, gross!!
And...on the celeb front:
George Clooney: Not just hot...funny too. When Esquire discovers a Web site that calls Clooney "gay, gay, gay," the good-natured actor quips, "No, I'm gay, gay. The third gay – that was pushing it."
Police were called to Heather Locklear's house on what turned out to be a bogus 911 call made from another location.
Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant. At 40. With her 4th husband. And suing tabloids that claimed that she is gaining weight and drawing parallels to her Dad. Ok, I understand her being pissed, but suing is a tad bit extreme, don't you think?
Ok, all...I'm going to leave so I can have my dinner date with my nephews.
Peace out!

P.S. I'll have a big announcement later this week-stay tuned! No, I haven't met anyone. No, I'm not pregnant. No, I'm not getting another dog. Wait and see!