Happy Birthday to Tai Tai!

***Breaking news!*** La Lopez had her twins! The babies were born early Friday in Long Island, N.Y. The girl was born at 12:12 a.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz., and the boy followed at 12:23 a.m., weighing 6 lbs. according to people.com. Incidentally, People will have exclusive pics of the babies...they paid $6 million for them! Which is the biggest payout so far for celeb babies. I'm sure that J Ho and Skeletor will be donating it all to charity just like Angelina and Brad. LOL. Here's a little run down of how much celeb babies are worth: Shiloh $4.1 mil, Christina Aguilera's Max $2 mil, Nicole Richie's Harlow $1 mil. Unbelievable!

And, Jessica Alba is rumored to be having twins as well. Yawn.

According to a source at the New York Board of Health, one of the staff members working Demi Moore's butt boy, um, I mean Ashton Kutcher's party at the Socialist restaurant just tested positive for hepatitis A. Guests included his boss, I mean wife Demi Moore as well as Madonna, Kate Hudson, Salma Hayek, Gwyneth Paltrow, Roberto Cavalli and Ivanka Trump. Raisin face, Rachel Zoe, joined the gang later in the evening.
The New York Board of Health is urging all of Kutcher's guests to get tested and get Hep shots.

Pink and Carey Hart are divorcing. This is really surprising considering the fact that there have been pics of him with random women surfacing on the net and I think that she is a total Lesbot!!

Lindsay Hohan is making headlines for recreating Marilyn Monroe's "Last Sitting" which includes nude shots. Um, Marilyn Monroe? As if. If it wasn't for her big fake boobies, she's kind of look like a dude. Wouldn't Christina Aguilera make more sense? Too bad no one asked me! I'll post some of the pics...you can decide for yourself.

Big Brother scandal! The tattooed bad boy (Crazy James) on this season's show also did some hardcore man on man action. Inner-resting!

Oh, boy. I've been a bad, bad blogger! Shame on me...no posts for a week! Ok, I'm going to try to make it up to you now. First of all, today is my Tai Tai's 8th birthday! My little old man :( I have to share with you my experience at Marshalls last night. Our Marshalls has a super duper shoe department, and I am mildly obsessed with shoes, so needless to say...I love it! Anyhoo, I went there tonight for some retail therapy. Ha! So, I got in line...at that point there were maybe 3 people in line. So there is this 50-60ish year old woman who's next in line. She is wearing CAKED ON make up, a hideous sweater made out of metallic yarn with cutout shoulders, embellished jeans, tons of costume jewelry...in other words, Trailer Trash-tic! So she SLOWLY makes her way to the register. Then she starts taking items out of her overflowing cart. One by one. But that's not all. She INSPECTS each thing (You know, she does the whole hold the shirt up, tilts her head to one side then the other, checks the price tag 5 times). Um, HELLO!?! Aren't you supposed to do that BEFORE you get in line? Sometimes I feel like the ASSHOLE POLICE, and let me tell ya...I'd like to be making some arrests!! So, then I think the cashier maybe tried to hurry her up by saying that people were behind her and this b***h had the nerve to say "They can wait. There are other registers. They can go somewhere else." At this point, the line is about 10 people deep. And, just to put the cherry on top of this f**ked up situation, there's a kid about 3 people behind me in line screaming her bloody brains out. And the Mom is just tuning her out, waiting on line...and then the crazy trailer trash-tic b***h have the nerve to shake her head and "Tsk, tsk" at the screaming kid. Seriously?!? Is she f**king kidding?!? OMG...were they both kidding? Here's what I would have liked to say: "Hey, you...Hoochie Mama Grandma! Get the f**k out of line until you figure out what the f**k you want to buy! And you...Mother of the Year behind me...for G*d's sake...pick up your f**king kid and comfort her! And if you can't shut her up, you need to get the f**k out of line, too!" But I just did the roll my eyes, shake my head, big sigh, dirty look combo move. You know, the one that I've got down to a science. Ugh. Why are people soooooo stupid?!?

I've been having one of those days, no weeks, no...months! Every little thing keeps going wrong. I went to get gas yesterday morning, and the pump kept shutting off about every 50 cents. Then I wanted to go to 7 Eleven and there were no parking spots. Just random, dumb s**t like that. Annoying. And when about 27 of those things happen in a row, I am ready to burst into tears when the 28th thing happens. Oh, I almost forgot. I was on call this weekend, and OMG! It was the weekend from HELL! Terrible, terrible, terrible! I got a massage last night and she said even the muscles in my face were tight! WTF?!? So, my neck and shoulders have been KILLING me. And when I'm in pain, I get MEAN. So, I've been a little snarky (google it...it's a word!) lately. To anyone that may have been caught in the crossfire of my snarkfest, I'm sorry.

Christie's birthday party was supposed to be on Saturday. It ended up being dinner with me, my Mom and Lissy. Oh, well. It was still fun. Hello! I was there! Speaking of par-tays, my Pleasure Party is in a few weeks! Speaking of dicks (did you like that transition? Pretty smooth, huh?) I got a text from A on Friday. Asking to borrow money. A is for..."Are you f**king kidding me?!?" Can you even believe that? Cause I'm having a hard time with it. Here's the story. Men suck. The end. HaHa.

As far as politics go, Obama is kicking Hillary's butt. That sucks! Oh, well. Hillary got a little snarky with Obama last night about the whole plagiarizing speeches thing.

My little Noah Noodle has been sick all week. So sad. He went back to school today, and I spoke to him last night.

Me: "Noah, I was so worried about you!"

Noah: "Mickey, I'm all better now. You don't have to worry anymore!"

Me: "Are you going to be well enough to play basketball?"

Noah: "Oh, yeah! Are you going to come watch me play basketball?"

That kid is too much! I adore him! And his little brother too!

Oh, guess what. After Tao goes to Boot Camp (1 week from tomorrow), I am going to have him certified as a therapy dog. How cool is that? I'm going to get him a Just Like Family tee and take him out to visit patients. Cute, right? They (the doggies) are wearing tees now. Tao has on a purple shirt that says "Diamonds are a dog's friend" and Tai Tai is rockin' a purple shirt (of course they coordinate!) with "BORN FABULOUS" spelled out in rhinestones. I know, I know. It's fag-a-licious! Whatever, they love it!

Ok, I'm going to go get going...gotta get ready for work!