"What Rhymes With Door?"

Let's see. I'm already slacking on the blogging...oh, well...New Year's Resolutions are made to be broken, right? Here's a quick wrap up of the celeb gossip: everyone is pregnant. Not really...it just seems that way. Shitney was photographed buying a pregnancy test during one of her daily trips to Rite Aide. I have to go off on a tangent for a minute here. Right Aide?!? Seriously?!? WTF?!? Aren't there any Targets near her? Who shops at Rite Aide? She's such a dummy. Back to the gossip. Matthew McConaughey's GF is pregnant. On his website: "We are stoked." Lovely. Pamela Anderson, it is being reported, is "NOT pregnant anymore". Notice that it is not being reported that she had a miscarriage. That's all I'm saying. That and the fact that maybe if you were drinking and doing drugs while pregnant, you might consider terminating said pregnancy. Ohhhh, that was snarky. You love it. I saw 27 Dresses last night. Very unrealistic, Very cute, kinda silly. I.E. wait for it to come out on DVD. But Katherine Heigel is totally adorable. She so should have been cast as Meredith. It would have been way more believable.
Oh. I'm taking a survey. Have you ever heard of the whole myth about green M&Ms? That they make you horny? I am asking because on Friday, I stopped at the drug store to pick up some Sudafed (Oh, yeah...I'm sick now, too. Sinus infection. Good times.) and I took a little stroll down the candy aisle. And there, right before my eyes, was a bag of only the green M&Ms. I laughed and had to buy them, because when I was in high school, I used to buy bags of M&Ms and literally pick out all the green ones to make a jar for my then boyfriend Nick. Sorry, Mom...I'm sure you totally thought I was a virgin and all.

Speaking of ex-boyfriends, it was X's bday this week. I went on his myspace page to leave him a "Happy Birthday" comment, and, to my utter dismay, his GF (I guess) has a pic of them-him and her-as her default pic. Isn't that cute? By "Isn't that cute?" I mean "Oops...I just threw up in my mouth a little." As for her, please scroll down and see "What rhymes with door". I kid, I kid. I don't even know the bitch, um, I mean young lady who has my sloppy seconds, I mean, is currently dating X. I wish him the best. By that, I mean "I hope something eats him". Yes. I'm bitter. What's your f***ing point?!?

Anyways, I went into my office and said to Lissy and Paula "OMG, you guys! Look what they are making for Valentine's Day. Bags of only the green M&Ms!" Lissy looks up at me (I'm still standing, she's sitting at her desk, hence the looking up) and says 'You mean for St. Patrick's Day (Dummy)?" Me: "Um, no. For Valentine's Day. Like I said." So, Paula and Lissy were both like "Why green M&Ms?" And I'm all "You guys have never heard that green M&Ms make you horny?!?" And I've asked others and no one seems to know this particular urban legend. Except the folks at M&M. Thank G*d, or I'd think that I was delusional! Here's the link: http://www.mms.com/us/coloroflove/ Please comment on this, because I am curious to hear how many of you guys have heard this. The "warning label on the bag of only green ones says "Consumption of The Green Ones may result in elevated Romance Levels. If you experience this effect, contact your Significant Other immediately. No official agency has verified these statements..but what do they know about romance anyway?" Cute, right? So, go out and buy yourself some green M&Ms. Now. And then tell your significant other that I said "You're welcome."

Speaking of inappropriate things...

I went to breakfast with Lissy, Jacob and the boys. At the table (in the CROWDED restaurant), Lissy says "Oh, Noah, let's play your new game with Aunt Mickey. Aunt Mickey, Noah is learning how to rhyme words. So, you say what rhymes with (insert word) and Noah says a rhyming word." Example: Me: "What rhymes with hat?" Noah: "Cat" Ok, seems easy enough. Until Jacob gets involved.

Jacob: "What rhymes with door?"

Noah the Megaphone Mouth: (without missing a beat) "WHORE!"

Yup, that's right. In a sea of senior citizens. At the TOP of his lungs. with a satisfied smile, because he is proud that he found a word that rhymes with door. Oh, and guess what rhymes with go? Uh, huh. "HO"

Now, seriously. How the hell are adults supposed to react to that? I suppose probably not with hysterical laughter. Oops. This ranks up there with Joshie saying "Omig*d, Omig*d, Omig*d!" in his little raspy voice like a stoner valley girl. (If you don't really know the kids, Joshie talks like a surfer, and Noah rocks a thick Brooklyn accent. No idea why.) Too funny.

On a sad note, Bob Newhart Show star Suzanne Pleshette died. She was 70. Lung cancer. Don't smoke. There are cooler ways to die.

Ok, I'm going to go watch some tivo'd stuff. Oh..."Cashmere Mafia"? Must See TV. So snarky. Love it.

Have you heard "Calling You" by Blue October? It's "Niiiiiiiice" as Borat (and Jacob) would say.

Have a great week, all!