A Hump Day Hello

Lissy, Me & My Mommy at "Wicked"...How cute are we?!?
My Little Pisser Tao On My Bed

As usual, I've been neglecting my blogging duties. What can I say? You already know that's the way that I am. I am so crazy busy...wicked busy, in fact. Speaking of "Wicked", we saw it on Sunday. It was AWESOME! Love, love, loved it! My Mom told me she and her girlfriends were going and I totally invited myself (and Lissy). We had to drive to Ft. Lauderdale, but it was well worth it. If you have the chance to see it, seriously...do so,k.

OMG. I almost forgot. We were on our way to the theater and my Mom called to tell us which parking entrance to go in. She then said "We'll meet you in the lobby. Oh...parking is $10.00." Me: "Um, I don't have any cash on me. Lissy, do you have any cash?" Yeah, so...we had no cash on us. So, my Mom had to come up to the parking attendant and pay for us. I looked at the lady and said "See? You never outgrow needing your Mommy!" She looked at me and shook her head. Probably her inner bitch was saying "You f***ing spoiled brat in a Mercedes. Unbelievable!" Oh, well. Then, after the play, we were going to a restaurant near Las Olas. So, we walk outside and...it's raining. And...my Mom and her friends keep walking. I'm like "Um, hello?!? How far is this restaurant anyway?" One of my Mom's friends says "Ohhh, maybe about 20 minutes." Ok, now I'm not talking drizzling. I'm talking sideways blowing rain. Are they f***ing kidding?!? Oh, and I had an infected toenail removed, so I was in pain to begin with. I'm like "MOM!!!! This is not working for us!" (That's right, I threw Lissy under the bus) I was in full on bitch/princess mode. Her friends were like "You guys can drive, we'll walk." And I'm all "See you at the restaurant, bitches!" No, I'm kidding. I didn't say the bitches part! Then we get to the restaurant and Lissy and I decide to share a dish. I asked the waiter "Can we have that without the crabmeat?" He said "No problem." Ok, LIAR! We got our food and I took a bite. Picture me wrinkling my nose here. "Um, this tastes fishy." Lissy: "I'm sure it's fine." So, I take another bite. "Um, still fishy." Then I get a big lump of something and said "Oh, yeah? Well what's this?" Lissy takes a bite and very matter of factly announces "Crab". So...I had to sit and wait while they made me a new one (and probably spit in it). Lissy was like "You hate when I tell people that you're a vegetarian. But, see? SEE? See what happens?!?"
A group of us went out last night for drinks and dinner. By dinner I mean a bunch of appetizers. I got home around 10:30. I was so tired. My cleaning lady was there, so my bed looked all nice and pretty and inviting. It was saying "Niki...come lay on me!" So, I do everything that I have to do and get into bed. I pick Tao up and put him on the bed also (He sleeps with me). I snuggle into the covers and get all comfy, and...the little sh*t pees in my bed!!! Right next to me!! I was so f***ing pissed. I rocked him. Seriously. Whooped his ass. Then, I had to strip the bed, put the featherbed in the washer right away...Ugh. Just what I needed, right? Thank G*d my Tai Tai is a good boy. Oh, back to my toe. Who woulda thunk it, but my toe kills. I think it hurts worse than when I broke my leg. And...I can only wear flat flip flops. Which is great for a stylish shoe whore such as myself. I had to go to a facility to meet a patient, in a really cute lavender gingham dress and...flip flops. I was ready to die of embarrassment.
Oh. I got ANOTHER stupid forward email from my Dad's new wife. I refuse, refuse, refuse to call her my stepmother. I won't even go there. So, she sends me a junk email. A CHRISTIAN junk email. Really?!? I've sent her about 3 nice emails, and never got a response from her. So, I wrote her back and said "I've emailed you twice. If you don't have the courtesy to respond, that's fine, but please remove me from your forward list. I have no interest in these junk emails...especially the Christian stuff. I'M STILL JEWISH!" Whatever. I was pissed.
So, she writes back "I am sorry that you say you have e-mailed me twice, but I have not received them. I also have not been replying to anyone's e-mails because my mother died on Feb 27th and I have been in Pennsylvania ever since. I will make sure I do not to send you anymore junk e-mails."
I guess she was trying to make me feel like an assh**le. Didn't work.
I wrote back: "I also emailed you & my father to RSVP to the wedding...neither of you received that? I was actually surprised that he never even bothered to respond, but once again...he never fails to disappoint me. I am sorry to hear about your Mother...I didn't know...since my father never calls me. And I am even sorrier that you have to be in the middle between me and my father. Maybe he will learn to fight his own battles someday....
Niki (one "K"...my father always spelled it wrong...you know, because he cares about my feelings so much)"
Yes, folks. That is right. My father spells my name wrong. Tell me he's not the biggest douchebag to ever walk the earth! Surprisingly, she didn't write back when I called her on her lie. Um, you didn't get my emails, but you managed to get all the junk emails that you have been forwarding to me. Yeah, 0k. I totally believe you. Anyhoo, I got the last word. As always.
I guess it is safe to say that we will never see pictures from their wedding. The Christmas themed one. At the Zoo. Dammit!
We are moving into a bigger office on April 15th. Hold on for a moment while I do the Dance of Joy. ("Happy, happy! Joy, Joy!")

Ok, I'm back. You have to know our shoebox of an office that we are busting out of to appreciate the importance of this.
I heard a rumor that people are receiving their packages from the Pleasure Party ordering. I am bursting with anticipation! LOL. In fact, I think I need to wrap this up right now and go home to check my mail.
Talk to you all later!